The adage goes: when you’re pointing a finger at someone, there are three pointing right back at you. But there’s a deeper problem with being judgmental about somebody. It actually stems from a lack of self within. Look at it this way: no one is proud to admit that they judge, and yet everyone does it. Why? Because judging someone is inherently a ‘me’ problem that everyone undergoes and doesn’t necessarily care to address. You end up judging someone or something because you are projecting a feeling that you are denying yourself to process.
Subconsciously, we are seeing something in others that is actually within ourselves, be it an unresolved feeling, a lack of sense of self or a problem that was ignored. It’s innately simple if you think about it this way: if it’s not a part of you, why would it upset you?
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama
The next time you catch yourself judging someone, ask yourself what it is inside you is that is making you do this. Then set to resolve your thinking. Are you disappointed because the person in question didn’t do something for you in time? Or because you didn’t get your requirements attended to?
It’s true that people find a kick out of judging others, a high from establishing that they are better than the person they are busy throwing to the wolves. But how high can your sense of moral worth be, if you need to negate someone’s life to find satisfaction in your own?
You are giving in to moral inferiority by experiencing a high or a sense of relief when you see someone fail. This lack of appreciation of your own potential, this dependence on others moral failure is never going to allow you to move ahead or forge your own path.
Judgmental people are just interested in one-upmanship, not creating a holistically better life for themselves and those around them.
Look at it as a life lesson or even a mind trick. Understand that your mind is raising a flag to unresolved conundrum. View your reactions before you pass them – are you going to respond negatively? Or will you rise above your instinct to attack a person and first have that much-needed internal conversation with yourself. You always have a choice, after all.
Set healthy boundaries and be assertive with your thoughts. Match your words with your behaviour only once you have understood what is missing. Don’t give in to a negative addiction that numbs your own feelings of inadequacy.
You do not lack compassion. You do not lack kindness. So don’t give into something that will make you lose these redeeming qualities. Understand that you need healing and support to clear judgement, and that is okay.
At the very base of it, remember that with judgement comes a projection of your own definition, not someone else’s.
