“I’m fat.”
“I don’t have what it takes for that promotion.”
“I can’t do it.”
“I am not good enough.”
From time to time, we all have these thoughts. We berate ourselves inside our own heads for not being better, for not being deserving, for thinking about our misery. We get stuck in negative patterns where we blame ourselves and question our worth. We end up bullying ourselves so badly, it that we drown in them, missing out on opportunities and life itself.
We know this is not good for us. If we allow ourselves to believe what our mind is telling us when it is negating our character, we are sinking into a dark pool that will only cause more anxiety, more stress, more worry.
But here’s the silver lining: Our thoughts protect us and try to keep us safe. They are there to fuel us to do better and they have the right intention in mind to point us to things that need our attention. This negative bias is like a red flag that is preventing you from making a mistake. So, what do you do? Don’t allow yourself to be bullied and feel adversely. You certainly can’t lock away your thoughts in denial – they’ll break free someday and then you’re back to where you started with no progress.
Here are a few simple ways to respond to your own negative thinking and get out of your way.
I’ve said it before, but it’ll repeat it here. Not unlike emotions, thoughts can be a way to point out something that needs your attention. Instead of embracing the pain that the thought brings, step back and observe your own thoughts without emotion. Try to be as objective as possible, and route out why you are feeling the way you do. When you can create some distance between your thoughts, and not be influenced emotionally, you’ll be able to recognize why you are having that particular thought, which then puts you in a better position to respond accordingly instead of doing something negative.
It isn’t always easy to distance yourself from your mind’s perspective. Negative thoughts are not easy to handle, but they can be should you choose to think that way every day. Your vision needs to be clear: ask yourself why this particular thought has come your way, and how is it going to help you? Identify your own habits, and then understand your reactions to the thoughts you acquire. Do you tend to react without thinking? Or do you wait to respond in a productive manner?
Become your own friend and embrace your thought with a positive and encouraging attitude.
Identify your own pattern, and then break it. Notice your reactions, or the change in your emotions. Allow yourself to pre-empt the situation before it arises so you know how to take care of it. A change of emotion, a change of circumstance can go a long way in changing your mind.
Acknowledge that your mind is trying to alert you to something or remove you from a tough spot. When you follow this habit on a regular basis, you learn to not throw yourself into a pool of judgement immediately. It becomes much easier for you to let go of the negativity that is swirling in your mind and channel it to reap a positive outcome. You have to find the willingness to let go, and that only comes from understanding that you are not your thoughts.
Most importantly remember, this is not something you can accomplish in one shot. It takes time, patience and practice. So don’t be hard on yourself but stay consistent!
